Part 2: Learning How to Trust Myself (Again !)
I thought I was helping myself by setting unreasonable expectations for myself, because I was sure this was what propelled my success. While that may have been true, it was also the reason I felt empty, like something was not right, and lacked a true sense of joy in my life. While I experienced ups and downs like everyone else, and happiness visited me, I did not experience a sense of constant joy, which I knew was possible (at least from what I had read and heard from others!) I was hungry for more and knew that there was more to life than material success ~ I yearned for peace of mind, calm and confidence in my life.
Once I stopped telling my body what to do, and ignoring its calls for rest, food, sleep, protection and everything else I had dismissed for over a decade of my life, my body must have realized it could start talking to me again without a fear of being ignored, so it started to do just that. The whispers became more audible and eventually I could notice, moment-by-moment, what my body was feeling and needing because I became so accustomed to turning inward and listening/feeling for signs. This was ultimately the greatest milestone in my journey, as it allowed me to become more self-aware than I ever imagined was possible, which enabled me to develop a sense of confidence about how to meet my needs, because I finally knew what they were.
Coming Home: My Self-Love Journey
Although I thankfully never crashed and burned, close to my 30th birthday I remember feeling slightly unmotivated, overextended and ineffective. I remember thinking and feeling that there had to be more to life than working hard, being the best at everything and living my life the only way I knew how to and had all my life. I suppose, looking back now, that I was on the cusp of burn-out.