Part 2: Learning How to Trust Myself (Again !)

Part 2: Learning How to Trust Myself (Again!)

As a young child of 7 or 8 years old, I had a very loud inner voice—let’s call it intuition— that compelled me to consistently honour what felt right for me. My intuition was what encouraged me to become a vegetarian when I was in Grade 3, despite belonging to a family that was very fond of eating animals. My intuition also guided me to take a strong stance in favour of human rights, women’s rights and children’s rights. I belonged to so many different groups intended to advocate for all sorts of rights, including Amnesty International and PETA, and I even spent several weekends of my life tree-hugging to advocate for the environment. I recall hardly had any free time to relax because I was always writing a letter, fundraising, championing petitions or making posters to proclaim all the injustices I sought to advocate on behalf of. I knew what I wanted and I went after it with gusto and no hesitation.

I am not entirely sure what quieted and eventually silenced this voice inside me, but it’s no secret that I did lose the strong mind-body connection I took for granted as a child. By the time I was in high school I had such a hard time knowing myself that I couldn’t even decide what food I wanted to order while out to eat, what clothes looked good on me, let alone what relationships were authentic and which were not. 

By the time I was in undergrad, I remember feeling burdened by the need to make decisions because I simply did not know myself and my needs/wants enough to feel confident that I could rely on myself to make a good decision. I switched my major 4 times and although it didn’t set me back (in fact, it helped me to discover exactly what I wanted to do), being more self-aware could have also done the trick.

I remember thinking to myself: Why is self-awareness not fostered and taught by parents and schools? Why aren’t we taught how to listen to our bodies to know what they need so that we can meet these needs?

Fast forward to present day and it is fair to say that it is not a coincidence that a lot of the work I do with children (and even adults) today is intended to not only help them become mindful of their outer worlds but even more so, their inner worlds. 

So, how exactly can we help ourselves as well as others (including little ones) learn to hear their inner voice and follow it?

We begin by learning to notice what we are feeling, where and how we feel it. Most of us are so attuned with the external world ~ other peoples expressions and responses/reactions when we say or do something ~ that we ignore our own body’s sensations and emotions. If you’ve spent time around toddlers and pre-schoolers, you know that most of them are very attuned with their bodies. They not only spend time exploring themselves, but they are quick to point out what hurts, what feels good, etc…. Learning to notice what feels comfortable and uncomfortable and what brings about these changes in our body is the first step towards developing body awareness and learning how to trust our bodies, as well as our likes and dislikes. Which brings us to the second point.

Be curious. Humans are innately curious beings ~ in fact this is what has enabled us to evolve because curiosity fuelled our intellect to adapt, aspire, build, develop and evolve. When someone says something you don’t like, instead of reacting/responding to their comment, compassionately inquire about why you may be feeling the way you are and why you feel the need to react/respond the way you do, and be curious about what message your body is sending you via the reaction you had. Just as thoughts are the language of the mind, sensations and emotions are the language of the body; so, think of them as messengers intended to help you learn more about yourself and take the initiative to dig deep within yourself, every change you get. If we ignore he messages our body sends us enough, it stops talking to us or itll begin yelling just to get our attention! Journalling, meditation or even therapy are great ways to explore ourselves, who we are, why we do what we do, our likes, dislikes, needs and desires, as well as who we aspire to be. 

Be Compassionate. The final step in learning to strengthen our inner voice and to follow it is to be more compassionate, loving and graceful with ourselves. I will be the first to share that I thought I was helping myself by setting unreasonable expectations for myself, because I was sure this was what propelled my success. While that may have been true, it was also the reason I felt empty, like something was not right, and lacked a true sense of joy in my life. While I experienced ups and downs like everyone else, and happiness visited me, I did not experience a sense of  constant joy, which I knew was possible (at least from what I had read and heard from others!) I believed with conviction that there was more to life than material success ~ I yearned for peace of mind, calm and confidence in my life. Once I stopped telling my body what to do, and ignoring its calls for rest, food, sleep, protection and everything else I had dismissed for over a decade of my life, my body must have realized it could start communicating to me again without a fear of being ignored, so it started to do just that. The whispers became more audible and eventually I could notice, moment-by-moment, what my body was feeling and needing because I became so accustomed to turning inward and listening/feeling for signs. This was ultimately the greatest milestone in my journey, as it allowed me to become more self-aware than I ever imagined possible, which enabled me to develop a sense of confidence about how to meet my needs, because I finally knew what they were. 

It almost felt silly for me to write this post because I realized how basic it seems, and it made me wonder what was wrong with me for all the years I did not live this way. But the truth is that we are not taught this, or at least, I wasn’t. I was taught to let my brain be the compass that guided me, at the expense of my heart and my body. Ultimately, learning to be vulnerable with myself (just as we need to be in a relationship in order to develop trust) and to to notice discomfort, and to feel it and lean into rather than avoiding it, allowed my body and my heart to not only start feeling fully again, but like it was worth their while to start talking to me again, after over a decade of remaining quiet. 

Have you undergone a process that enabled you to trust yourself more fully and confidently? What did it look like and require of you? I would love to hear your stories! Please share them below or feel free to email me.